最好的状态是形影不离,大事小事一起商量,不吵闹,不生气。一起逛街,一起游玩和和美美的生活着,一个人起早贪黑的工作,另一个人操持家务。
两个人在一起最好的状态是什么呢?
是“愿得一人心,白首不相离”?
还是“玲珑骰子安红豆,入骨相思知不知”?
又或者是“只愿君心似我心,定不负相思意”?
更或者是“恨君不似江楼月,南北东西,南北东西,只有相随无别离”?
到了了,又是“结发为夫妻,恩爱两不疑”?
可能不同人的不同感情状态都是不同的,但两个人在一起最好的状态是什么呢?可能正在处对象,或者处过对象,更或者憧憬处对象的人都想知道。
感情也是需要努力经营的嘛,我们不妨向专家学习学习,两个人在一起最好的状态到底是什么样的——
They are generous with compliments.
不吝啬于夸赞对方
“Everyone needs compliments and they especially need them from their partner. You cannot give too many sincere compliments ― whether you have been together 5 years or 50. It can be simple things like saying, ‘You look especially gorgeous today’ to deeply felt statements like ‘I was so proud of you today when you gave our son such wise advice.’”― Pepper Schwartz, professor of sociology and certified sexologist
“每个人都需要赞美,尤其是来自于他们爱人的。但是,像那种太过于严肃的夸赞,即便你们是相处了很多年的老夫老妻,也还是不要太多了。类似于‘宝宝你今天真漂亮',以及'宝贝你真是太聪明了,能给我们儿砸这么好的建议’,这样简单的赞美就足够啦。”——Pepper Schwartz,社会学教授以及两性专家
They disagree at times, but they fight fair.
即便意见相左,也要公平斗争
“Disagreeing isn’t a marriage problem ― it’s normal. Disagreements are opportunities to practice conflict resolution and build communication skills. Take a look at your disagreements and see what bad habits each partner has when you disagree. Do you talk over each other? Get angry? Yell? Swear? Name call? Disengage? Each partner should make a list of their bad tendencies and use future disagreements to practice responding differently and building better communication skills.” ― Kurt Smith, therapist who specializes in counseling for men
“在婚姻中出现意见相左的情况是再平常不过的事情,这种情况反而是一种锻炼彼此解决矛盾的能力、以及建立好的沟通技巧的机会。认真检视一下你们意见相左的到底是什么问题,以及彼此在遇到这种情况时都有什么不好的习惯。有没有好好交流?开始跳脚发脾气?大喊大叫诅咒彼此?叫着全名要散伙?每对小情侣都应该把这种坏习惯列好,然后等以后再吵架的时候,就可以用不同的方式来回击对方,建立更好的沟通机制。”——Kurt Smith,男性情感咨询师
永远有话可说,聊诗词歌赋也好,聊人生理想也罢,任何有的没的,吃喝玩乐,永远都有互动。
就是坐在一起静静地不说话也感到很幸福快乐
在天愿作比翼鸟,在地愿为连理枝。